Hello, Here Are Opinions No One Asked For

So, here I stand upon the proverbial internet roof and yell my presence to anyone who may listen. It’s difficult to write a sufficiently engaging introductory post without it feeling a lot like an AA meeting so I think I will follow that format, for now. Let’s get into an uncomfortably stare-y circle and make horrible eye contact as we get to know each other.

Hi, my name is Megan, and I am an Internet Narcissist with a chronic case of Word Vomit.

Hopefully your little reading voice chimed back a half enthusiastic, “Hey Megan!” – if it didn’t, you are clearly unversed in AA meeting etiquette and I invite you to reread my name introduction until your reading voice has gotten some manners.

Yes, I am an Internet Narcissist in many regards. I post often about everything and anything so thereby it is only right that I complete the transfiguration; from a lowly female with lots of internet opinions, to an Impressively Knowing and Intellectual Blogger. I didn’t choose this lifestyle – it chose me (after I sat and fiddled with buttons and menus until I made the ugliest home page possible, gave myself an @ name, and hurriedly told my friends to address me by said lifestyle title).

On this brand new, exciting, shiny (and only SLIGHTLY shite) blog, I’m going to talk about a multitude of topics: from my own personal experience as a student living on Rustler’s burgers, dirty looks from my disgusted peers and pints; to pop culture and politics; and other miscellaneous subject matters I just generally think I should spew word vomit on.

No: no one asked for my opinion, but when has that stopped me before? I hope it’s slightly amusing for anyone who peaks on it and I’m sorry in advance for being a grumpy guts.

 

 

 

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Piece of Poop Poetry: Rot

Rot

I linger beneath the skin

Gorging myself on the breath

Of fresh air you offer me: Death.

With mirth as my wine,

I feast upon your time.

A broken clock is correct twice a day

Though, in absence of a face of flesh to decay

A blossom of rust may be planted into its once ticking heart:

A mechanised Garden of Eden living dead within scrap,

Like a plume of black smoke

I creep to the edges of you

Leaving whatever blooms to choke

Amidst the destruction of the coup.

What once was a bouquet crumbles to dust

Beauty dissolves into that which disgusts.

Piece of Poop Poetry: Violent Delights

Happy January everyone! I’m thoroughly scundered by the lack of sunlight so naturally I thought I’d knock out a speedy, short scribble about artificial light in the city. I hope you find it suitably pretentious.

Big ol’ kiss for anyone who needs it! The year is young and full of potential, there for you to reap like a productivity Grim Reaper.

Violent Delights

The sprawling concrete veins of the Metropolis

Runs cold with hot blooded bodies

Paying for lavish apartments with their springtime souls.

The tick tock of the clock promises to lock

Once lithe limbs into place in their old age;

Until then, mouths make like a bolt-

Fastening two souls like a zipper

Beneath the bruise spilling from the neon light.

The moths dance beneath the glow

Until it is their time to go

Back to their separate worlds of scrolling,

swiping, and scouring

For significance within cement.

Violent delights in purple and blues

Electric lights feed the folie à deux.

Piece of Poop Poetry: Laminar Flow

So, the year is finally drawing to a close. I can’t get over it. It’s been a difficult yet wonderful year for me personally – setting up this little virtual diary has certainly been a high point. Turning feeling a bit lonely into a creative venture has been so very beneficial for myself. It’s fascinating looking back on my own posts and following how things have altered. I’m very excited to see how 2019 fuels my content – here’s hoping it’s more sunflowers rather than storm clouds.

I’m so thankful for anyone who has read anything I’ve posted this year. I’m so thankful for any and every message I’ve received regarding writing- and I’m so excited to hopefully read a few new blogs in this coming year by lovely people. Please, please, PLEASE scribble. No matter how cringe you feel doing it. Accomplishing little posts every now and then feels like climbing Everest when you’re in a rut.

Making little things can make a difference!

For my final post of the year I thought I’d do a short piece of poetry, so here it is!

Wishing everyone so much love, prosperity, kindness and sunlight for the new year. And thank you for reading this nonsense.

Laminar Flow

Every little moment had its own fluidity

And seeped into the next one.

Bath water kisses

Easing my temples into rest

With perfect softness.

Whisper me to sleep:

I can only hope to seep

And permeate into your tomorrows

As condensation on your glass roof

(Draw a heart in it before you crash through).

The stars are our phosphors,

Our water glows,

You and I together

Laminar flow.

The Tea With Body Confidence ☕️

Questioning societal conceptions of the “acceptable” body image has been on the rise amidst social media, which, of course, is a fantastic thing. At the forefront of this movement has been the rise of Fat Acceptance groups, loudly refusing to conform to the published beauty standards within magazines and television.

Which, again, is fantastic.

My issue with body confidence campaigns and social media is the focus upon white weighty beauties. As a white woman myself, with my fair share of jiggly bits, I have been granted visibility. The poster woman for the positive body image movement has widely been regarded as Tess Holiday – a white woman.

Yet this isn’t enough.

Erasure of other genders, ethnicities and issues outside of being “too heavy” has undoubtedly taken place. Other minorities and issues have taken a back seat in favour of comforting white women for not having a flat stomach.

For a body confidence movement to truely be a ‘body confidence’ movement, and not a ‘ size confidence’ one, it is so important to widen the scope outside of the Caucasian western woman. A quick list of what this may include:

1) Body confidence being spread to trans men and women. Expressing that there is no correct way to be masculine or feminine, to express that the trans community owe others nothing in terms of how they look – that you can be who you are, without having to “pass” as the gender you associate yourself with.

2)Men feeling beautiful! To see men expressing themselves and gaining confidence within their body types, big or small. To see men gain the confidence to compliment each other without feeling emasculated in doing so.

3) People of colour of all shades represented as beautiful people. Not fetishised, or white washed. To celebrate diversity in our bodies.

4) Visibility given to people with mental health issues which have impacted their physical being. That includes scars, eating disorder survivors in the process of rehabilitation, people getting better.

5) The taboo of the older woman being past her best revoked entirely. Older bodies being happy in their skin, showing as much or as little as desired – and for them not to be patronised in doing so!

6) The presence or absence of body hair normalised. Bald people. Hairy people. People in between. It’s ridiculous that, even as mammals, we are so flabbergasted by hair.

7) Different types of skin granted visibility: whether it is a skin condition such as vitiligo, or ‘blemished’ skin, or extreme cases such as burn victims or acid attack survivors. All different skin in all different conditions!

The second we stop pitting plus sized white women against the world and focusing all our efforts on that, and start embracing all forms of body image, we can truly become a progressive movement. There is more to body image than how much one weighs: that is not to say it does not matter, as it definitely does. Yet the scope must widen.

It must also be noted that body acceptance should not be equated with body fetishism. Respecting other people and embracing diversity does not mean glamourising them.

The bottom line? Let’s just be kind to one another.

Thank you for reading my Saturday night rant – I hope you are feeling well and pretty. 💓

Piece of Poop Poetry: Plummeting Planes

Merry December: I hope that Krampus doesn’t eat your feet this chilly almost crimbus night. Here is a poem no one asked for: it’s about being drunk on a plane but the plane falls down so you get good at swimming.

Big love to anyone who reads this soop induced rubbish. 💓

Plummeting Planes ✈️

Paddling in wine

In the sky, and you’re mine

– but we’re sinking.

Plummeting azure

I cling to you like a bur

Yet, I’m sinking.

Clouds are racing me down

And I fear that I’ll drown

“Please stop me sinking”.

Wait for the ring

Hope you’ll do the right thing:

But still, I’m sinking.

Rescue doesn’t come

Because reliance on one

Won’t stop you sinking.

So I’ll fight for my time.

Life gifts lemons; I’ll take limes.

Now, I’m swimming.

Tomorrow’s anew.

This nautical view

Is my beginning.

Every breath that I take

Is mine to make.

It’s for me that I’m living.

Piece of Poop Poetry: Decluttering The Attic

Piece of Poop Poetry is back, and as indulgent as ever.

Tonight, I challenged myself to have a go at writing some poetry that wasn’t born out of feeling sorry for myself. What does one write about when they’re genuinely rather happy?

I find that writing comes easier to me when I have something to gurn about (spot the obvious water sign) – so here is my 20 minute scribble adventure!

I hope you’re well. Truly.

Decluttering The Attic

Picking through yesterdays deftly

and cementing significance to selected nostalgias

– or lack of. Tossing aside relics of a familiar yet bygone age

into the “go” pile.

Moments passing through my fingertips

like I was flicking through a glossy magazine.

What once felt like treasure morphs into triviality before my eyes.

Yet I don’t mourn this metamorphosis:

instead, I bask in the space created in lieu of clutter.

I once worried this house would feel empty without the cobwebs.

That sounds really ridiculous, but it’s true.

My cobwebs framed the edges for so long that they became fixtures

– morose feather boas for my blank walls.

They were familiar.

But blank walls are spaces for hanging paintings.

I see that now

and that excites me.

Out with the old and in with the new;

This change of heart’s been long overdue.

Meg’s List Of Spooky Films You Might Have To Change Your Pants After Watching

So, it’s finally the creepiest week of the year. The time has come to whip out the jar of sweets for *the Trick or Treaters (*for you to eat whilst half cut in just your pants and a Scream mask), cosy down, and flick on some freaky flicks.

WHAT TO WATCH THOUGH?

If you’re scrolling through Netflix and drawing a blank, have no fear: daddy Moog has some suggestions. Here you will find a selection of top spooky flicks for your different moods.

I’ve steered away from the obvious options like Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Nightmare on Elm Street – which is not a slander of their quality in the slightest! Definitely give a peep if you haven’t seen them. I just wanted to shed some light on some films you may have overlooked in the past.

Without further ado, here is a list of films you might have to change your pants after watching.

The International Spook:

Martyrs (2008)

If you aren’t too white girl wasted and feel like you could still follow subtitles, I really suggest you check out Martyrs.

A French horror film, Martyrs explores the extent of which human beings may withstand torment, all in the name of religious enlightenment. This format leaves suitable leeway for the film to be brutally violent and distressing.

SCORE!

A film of two clear parts, Martyrs explores the paranormal, psychological and body horror you may just be craving this gruesome Halloween.

Side note: do not watch the American remake, it is actually pants.

Pee Inducing Paranormal:

Ghost Stories (2017)

I went into viewing this movie a sceptic, and left extremely pleasantly surprised by this new flick in so many regards.

A storyline that is fully comprehensive, avoiding convoluted plot lines to create twists; gorgeous use of sets and lighting; an incredible use of sound. It is very evident that Ghost Stories started life as a stage show as every scene is filled to the brim with detail.

The cast were fantastic, heightening each tense moment, culminating in one of the most distressing endings in a modern horror film that I have seen in a long, long time.

The less you know about the plot, the better. Go in completely fresh. Do not let the title of the film fool you- this is not your average ghost flick.

Gruesome Giggles:

The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

If you’re more in the mood for a lighthearted romp than a balls to the wall fright fest, I definitely suggest The Return of the Living Dead.

A contender for the most 80’s looking film I’ve seen, The Return of the Living Dead is the perfect marriage of annoying teenagers with juicy brains to lots and LOTS of zombies. Set in a graveyard. It’s class.

Lots of tongue in cheek humour, lots of cool looking zombies, and easy to pop on in the background with your mates over.

Blood Suckin’ Blockbusters:

Salem’s Lot (1979)

I have a real soft spot for this film because it’s one of my dad’s favourites.

Based on the book by Stephen King, Salem’s Lot explores a sleepy town with a spooky vampire problem. Complete with horrible floaty dickhead children and a massive scary vampire going by The Master, it’s a classic for fans of those with fangs.

Cannibals Eating People Like Candy:

– Green Inferno (2013)

This film is so gross. If you’re in the market for a cannibal film though, I think that’s exactly what you’re looking for.

A group of young people go into a jungle to protest against deforestation. Group of young people get spotted by tribe of cannibals. Group of young people get slowly picked off by cannibals in various horrible ways.

If you look past the obvious racism in the contents of the film, and see it as a homage to cinematic classics like Cannibal Holocaust, Green Inferno makes for very uncomfortable viewing. Great for Halloween – but not one to view whilst you’re eating.

High School Horrors:

Excision (2012)

Following the misadventures of a college outcast with psychosexual delusions and aspirations of becoming a surgeon, Excision is a very unique film.

Although technically not a horror film, Excision features many gruesome dream sequences and upsetting scenes. Deeply thought provoking and darkly funny at times, it is certainly worth a viewing. Definitely a film that sticks with you long after the screen goes black.

The One To Watch Before The Remake:

Suspiria (1977)

Suspiria is one of the best horror films around and I am extremely excited to watch the remake. However, it would break my heart for that to be your first exposure to the first of a horrible trilogy. The original is a masterpiece.

Set amidst a dance school, Suspiria chronicles a series of grizzly murders which slowly reveal to be supernatural in nature. Dario Argento’s signature of mixing bloody murder with high art results in set pieces of horrifying beauty.

The soundtrack also slaps and will give you goosebumps.

This Is Just Horrible Turn It Off:

Guinea Pig: Flower Of Flesh And Blood (1985)

Okay.

So those of you who know, know.

Flower of Flesh And Blood is one of several films in the Japanese Guinea Pig series, which grew in notoriety in the years due to its extreme violence.

The use of practical effects within the one hour film is outstanding, yet serves no other purpose than to revolt.

The storyline is very simple: a samurai slowly cuts up a woman whilst she’s still alive. That’s it. That’s literally the plot. There is barely any dialogue in there, if at all.

It’s a fake snuff film convincing enough that Charlie Sheen thought it was real and actually contacted the police on viewing.

So aye, that’s definitely a film to look at if you have absolutely nothing else you want to be at. It’s just really gross and the noises are horrible.

There’s also an American remake, going by Bouquet of Guts and Gore which may satiate any of you weird enough to want more of lady dissection (good news: there’s two people to carve up rather than one).

There you have it, there’s a quick little list of films that may tickle your fancy! I hope it’s of some use to you.

Have a fantastic Halloween, my lovely freaky friends!